April 16, 1900

Black Diamond. 

I walked over to Aly’s this morning and sat in the tree, hoping her or Alex would come by so we could work everything out. I felt awful and had hardly slept the night before. I just wanted to redo the last two days and pretend that none it had happened. 

It wasn’t long before Alex rode over and hopped off Leonidas. “Hey Trin, mind if I join you up there?” 

“Yeah, sure,” I nodded and he climbed up and settled back against the branch. “I’m glad you’re here... I wanted to apologize... The last forty-eight hours I haven’t been myself. I’ve been the old Trin. I let the fear control me and that’s not me. It made me say things I regretted instantly after.”

“Yeah, you haven’t been the woman who kicked Moretti in the nuts, that’s for sure.”

“I’m sorry for what I said about you being at the dance. I’m sorry for constantly bringing things up that are dealt with and are otherwise okay. I’m sorry for living in the past. That’s exactly it. When I saw Dutch here I slipped into the old, immature Trin. I hate that Trin.”

“You need to kick someone in the nuts again to get that back?”

“As of this morning that Trin doesn’t exist anymore. The past is done. It’s where it belongs. I’m looking forward. All I need to do right now is help others believe that it’s true... starting with you and Aly...”

“Aly and I are both worried about you. I’m glad to hear you’re going to let the past rest. You’re a strong woman and when that killer arrives, I’m confident you’ll take care of him,” he looked at me. “I’ve seen you in action before.” 

“I agree. When and if he comes I’ll deal with him. Until then... I have a life to live, friends to keep.”

“Yes, exactly.” 

“I’m so sorry, Alex...”

“You have a lot of friends, and we’re all watching out for you,” he reached over and took my hand. 

“I know I do. I have a lot more people watching my back now than I did back then. I need to remember that,” I took his hand and squeezed it. “You know the only thing I’m scared of right now?”

“What?” 

“Losing Aly. That’s the only thing that I hope doesn’t happen. The killer? Screw him, let him come. Lack of cases? Fine, I’ll find something else to do.”

“Aly’s pretty upset that you talked to her in front of all those people last night. I think if you apologize to her like you just did to me, it will be okay.”

“But Aly... Alex, I’ve never had a girlfriend like her before. I’ve never had a girl that I can talk to every day.”

“Let her know that, tell her how important she is to you.” 

“I know and I shouldn’t have done that either. I just didn’t think she would come talk to me on her own cause she said she was still mad and seemed pretty planted on that railing. That was the old Trin wanting to solve things right away, regardless of the circumstance. That Trin is gone too.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Sometimes things have to wait for the right moment.”

“You’re right. And a dance or when crowds are around isn’t the right time,” I nodded. 

“It sounds like you’re getting yourself back together.” 

“I hope so Alex, cause the last couple weeks have been hell and I can’t do that to myself or others again. I just can’t.”

“No, you can’t. It hurts everyone when you do.”

“I won’t hide, I won’t change my routine. I won’t obsess. Let it happen.”

“Exactly. And when that killer arrives, kick him in the nuts before you shoot him, get your confidence back.” 

“What I’d really like to do is kick Dutch there. Is that wrong?” I nodded. 

“Yes, he’s in your past... let him go.” 

“I thought I had, that’s what scared me.”

“Love is a tricky thing...” 

“Everything came back to haunt me when he told me he loved me. I let it confuse me but you were right Alex...”

“Even when you think you’ve let it go, it can sneak up behind you and smack you in the face.” 

“Exactly,” I nodded. 

“But when it does, you can’t let it win.” 

“You’re right. He doesn’t want me like that and that’s fine. I’ll take the new thing and let the other stuff be where it belongs. I’m doing just fine on my own. Romantically that is.”

“That’s exactly what you should do.” 

“Having you guys in my life is better than having someone romantically. Cause you know what? Romance isn’t a guarantee.” 

“We’re always going to be here for you,” he smiled. 

“Friendship on the other hand...”

“Exactly.” 

“Now I just need to convince Aly that I believe that.”

“Yes, you two will need to talk.” 

“That’s why I’m here.”

“Trin, can you do me a favor?” Alex asked.

“Anything.” 

“Next time you’re upset about something, please come talk to me. Don’t let your emotions get to you first.” 

“I promise.”

“Thank you.” 

“In the vein of that.... I think the reason I was upset with her was because every time I tried to tell her something, she would try to solve it. But sometimes I just need to talk, you know? And she does listen too its’ just that I kept feeling like I was being lectured.”

“She’s just trying to help. She cares about you.”

“I know. But that’s where that was coming from. And what I said about you... that was only because I was afraid of being alone when he comes. It wasn’t about jealousy or any of that. I know that you guys will come running though. Even if you’re at a wedding,” I winked. 

“We will,” he nodded. 

“Like I said, the old Trin...” I sighed. “You think they’ll actually let Ger be mayor today?”

“I don’t think they’ll announce it until tomorrow. The waiting was killing him yesterday.” 

“Yeah.. I thought he said they were gonna announce it Wednesday.”

“I think the voting ends today.” 

“Ohh.” 

“Are you going to be okay?” Alex looked at me seriously. 

“When things are right with me and Aly, yes. That’s my only concern right now. The only thing I can’t stop thinking about.”

“You know... I really care about her a lot. But I care about you too. Don’t forget that.” 

“I know Alex. And I know you need time together and I respect that. I’m really happy that you’re both happy. Once Ger becomes mayor I’m hoping I’ll be busy getting court back up here. I think he still wants me to be court clerk.”

“That would be great if he got court up and running again. I think Ger will be a good mayor.” 

“I think so too. He’s around a lot and knows how important it is to be informed about things around town.”

Bree yelled out hello and we said hi back to her. It wasn’t long before Aly walked out, running into Ger’s poster in front of her house. I started to get more nervous and Alex poked me in the side. 

“Aly... I want to apologize...” I started. When she didn’t reply and went over to Dakota I continued, “The past couple of days.... I was the old Trin. The immature, not thinking first Trin. I let my emotions and fear control what I said and how I said it. That Trin is gone, Aly.”

“I hope so because....I have a hard time dealing with her. Trin. And never. ever. ever again...bring our dirty laundry out in public.” 

“I’ve conquered so much... I can’t let this control me any longer. I can’t live in the past. I can’t keep bringing things up in public at dances or in the street. I’m so so so sorry for that. I’ve never had a friend who’s a girl before like you. Never. Not since I lived in Texas with Charlie’s sister... The only thing that mattered when I woke up this morning wasn’t the killer, it wasn’t the lack of cases, it wasn’t even being alone. It was you and apologizing to you for being a world class jerk. That Trin is gone, Aly. I promise you. I told Alex.... romance isn’t a guarantee. But friendship? That lasts forever when it’s real.”

“Yeah Trin... because people are not going to want to be around you when you get like that. I understand you need to vent, heck I feel like that myself a lot... BUT...there is a time and a place for it...” 

“I know...” 

“A public gathering is NOT the place. It’s embarrassing. I was telling Alex...there are only two other times I’ve felt real humiliated.... The time Mark proposed and the time Ger said I had a drinking problem in public. I just don’t do well with people knowing stuff like this. I forgive you. Please don’t push me away. I love you.” 

“I’m so sorry. Your friendship means so much to me. I’ll do anything I can to make this right again. Whatever it takes to convince you that that Trin is gone.”

“I don’t want you to make an effort to prove yourself... that is not what friendship is about.” 

“I’d do it if that’s what it took.”

“You shouldn’t have to work at it, I’m not a boss.” 

“It won’t happen again. Ever. I promise you that.”

Aly climbed up to the top of the tree and relaxed as we talked. Everything seemed to go back to normal and we seemed on good terms again. We went over to the cafe and sat around there talking about how good it felt to be so happy again and relaxed with each other. We talked about how much we all enjoyed our jobs and how we seemed to work really well together and for the town. 

This afternoon I went to the dance in Bisbee and talked with the group there. Drew and Rave talked about how they’d moved into a new house and Drew asked if there was a quilting group around. Alex laughed at the idea of me quilting and I informed them that I was better with a gun and a pencil. Aly came in and I hugged her but then stayed quiet, letting the conversation go around me. I was afraid of saying something wrong and making things worse again but there really wasn’t that much for me to talk about, so I just let the others do the talking and sipped my coffee at the bar before heading home.