March 28, 1870

Colorado. 

I walked over to Chet’s house this evening and knocked on his door. “Chet? You home?” 

“Yeah, it’s open,” he called. I walked in and greeted him. “Howdy, how you doing?” 

“Pretty bored and frustrated to be honest. Feel like things are happening and no one’s telling me about it. It’s like they don’t want me to put out a paper.” 

“Well, lil boredom a nice change of place n not much been going on.” 

“Need stories though. I still only have three completed articles for the paper. And three uncompleted. I still don’t know why the Apache moved, though I know they’re by Hawk’s village.” 

“Well write about the saloon opening. We serve everyone even coloured.” 

“What’s the saloon called?” 

“I think Longhorn or Long Branch. Don’t remember… Was drunk when hung the sign.” 

I chuckled and said, “Let’s go over to the saloon and see the sign then hmm? Could use a drink.” 

“Not stocked yet still waiting.” 

“Oh I see. Guess I should wander around and see what’s goin on in town.” 

“Tom been around?” 

“Not since Saturday.” 

“Must be doing doctoring or out on a drink,” he rubbed his chin. “Or shot.” 

“I miss him, Chet,” I sighed, knowing he wasn’t helping. 

“I know, ’n sure he okay. Probably up north a spell.” 

“Hope he’s back soon… Think I’m gonna wander over towards Kansas. I need to ride and clear my head. If you see Tom... Tell him that’s where I am.” 

Kansas. 

I found my way to the Apache village and greeted Chief Nah at the entrance. “"How are things this evening, Chief? Everything safe here?” 

Nah started to speak in Apache but then said, “This our retreat.” 

“It is gorgeous here. I feel so at home in nature and surrounded by the trees.” 

“I move apache. Rock not good. Too close to white man. Bad for apache. We go to new lands.” 

“I was wondering about the move. I didn’t know what had caused it but that was my guess.” I pet the horse that came over and smiled. “Such a beautiful horse... I grew up around them. My parents owned a ranch in Canada... I miss it so much.” 

“Apache camp burn down again. Also Town say any Apache in town get shot. Now when on rock to leave we have to go though town. I say no more... we leave. Find better land that good for apache. Where many buffalo... tree’s…” he nodded. “Horses happy off rock too. Come, Trin. I show you something.” 

I followed him up to the top of the mountain and looked around in awe, feeling more alive than I had felt in a long time. The beauty of nature was breathtaking out here. 

“Now, turn and look out... this is how the land is suppose to be,” he said and sat down. I sat down beside him as he said, “This is land where I take my people too. They will be safe, happy. No white man telling us how to live or threaten us.” 

“I am a white person, but have Apache blood... Will they be welcoming of me and my brother?” I nodded to him. 

“Have you thought more about your Spirit Guide?” 

“I have been thinking about it... I think the only way I’m truly going to be able to figure it out, without the distractions from the town is to be in nature, surrounded by the things of this world instead of the things of man…” 

“I think that is right. I think you should stay here a few days. Sit up here. See nature. Clear your head and your heart and ask your Spirit Guide to show to you. If you believe Trin, Your Spirit Guide will reveal themselves to you.” 

“I think you’re right, Chief. I need to spend a few days here… There is one thing that still concerns me though, Chief… I’m nervous about how people will receive me…” 

“Be honest, be yourself. That is all you can do. Never worry about how they will see you when you are being true to who you are,” he advised. 

“It’s just that there are so many times that they have not trusted me in other tribes because of the fact that I’m a paleface.” 

“You now have a new path. Focus on that, getting in touch with your heritage. That is what is important. Let me show you something. I want to teach you to see what is here.” 

He led me over to a horse and said, “This is Chelee... that means horse in Apache.” 

“Horse ... Chelee…” I tried the word.

“She is green broke but still free. Come…” he said and showed me a cave where two little baby cubs were. “Look inside… Two cougar cubs... there mother was shot by white men in game called sport. We give them milk in thing Tala made up. To drip the milk in there mouths. Their eyes opened today.” 

“They’re so adorable…” I smiled and continued to walk with him towards the pond. 

“See... tell me what you see.” 

“Ducks... Water as clear as the sky…” 

“What else…?” 

I looked closer and saw something swimming in the water. “Beavers…” 

“Yes... nature... pure water... fresh air... animals…” 

“I feel at peace here... Something I have not been able to say in a long time,” I smiled. 

“And happy... all you have to do is look around,” Nah smiled. 

“Chief… the word ‘thank you… It doesn’t even express.” 

I followed him back to the horses again and he instructed, “Grab the mane and swing yourself on one.” I did so and jumped on the horse, following him around. “That’s the father. He likes to swim,” Nah said as he pointed to the cougar we passed. “There is another adult but she not the mother of the cubs but she expecting.” 

“Are they dangerous?” I asked, catching up to him as his horse was faster than mine. 

“They seems to know we do not bother them... they do not bother us. He is funny…” 

“Funny?” I asked, thinking to myself that his statement sounded familiar. 

“Good swimmer.” 

I thought to myself how this was all fine and good, but I was nervous about meeting the rest of the tribe. He chuckled and I asked, “What’s so funny?” 

“No one stay,” he chuckled and led me to the village. I hesitated, not used to just walking in. I wasn’t sure if I should follow but he told me to come. “See the fish?” he asked, standing near a lake. “Fresh water... Mother Earth gives us what we need. You only take what you need, no more then that. You respect the land. This is what white man does not understand. Come with me.” 

I nodded and followed him towards the village. I tried to be brave as Nah talked with Tala in Apache. Nah showed me to a tipi and I stopped, knowing it wasn’t proper for a man and a woman to be alone in one. He handed me a blanket and a sleeping pillow and said, “Now you do what wish. Clear your head and heart. Enjoy stay here.” 

“Thank you Chief,” I said and lay in the tipi, trying to clear my mind of all that had happened that week. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do still but I then realized I hadn’t eaten anything all night. I decided to be brave and went to look for food with the tribe. “I realized I hadn’t eaten anything for most of the day…” I told Tala. “Was starting to feel a bit hungry.” 

“Where did he put you?” Tala smiled and I pointed to my tipi. “Well, welcome.” 

“Thank you, it is an honour to be here and to learn about my heritage. To learn about our people,” I corrected myself. 

“Will this be a problem with your white friends?” 

“It doesn’t matter what they think,” I shook my head.

“This is the retreat. Here is only Apache,” Tala waved her hand around. 

I walked over with her to the fire and met Nighthawk. “You be careful, I sell you for pie,” Nighthawk grunted and then smiled. “Nice to meet you, Trin.” 

“I wish to learn about our culture... I have recently discovered that I have Apache in my blood,” I explained to him. “I wish to learn the language and traditions of our people.” 

“That is good you seek to learn your culture.” 

“Perhaps I should make some food..” I said and started to cook the meal. I asked if there was a spot where the chief sat. Tala said he sat with the turtle, who Tala called Soup. Nah and Tala went to a meeting and I learned some Apache words from Nighthawk. “I am an open book to you, Nighthawk... I never carry a gun, I aim to solve problems with words and peace rather than guns and bullets,” I told him. 

“It is unfortunate more do not have those thoughts. Is better to try and talk before war. But… sometimes fighting is necessary.” 

“But fighting just makes it worse,” I nodded. 

“Sometimes though fighting is only choice when one side won’t see reason.” 

“I just wish for once for there to be peace,” I explained. “So many ghosts of violence haunt my past. How do I get rid of them and move forward?” 

“It is what it is, there will never be peace as long as man has greed in his heart,” he shook his head. “I do not know, violence touches us all. We learn to live with it I suppose.” I nodded, surprised at the amount of trust he was showing me, but I didn’t question it. Instead, I hoped things had turned around for the better with the Native peoples. 

“I prefer peace, but I fight for my people. I am War Chief here.” 

I remembered Adahy, the Cherokee war chief, and started to get emotional. I brought my knees up under my chin and sighed. “Forgive me. I got lost in my thoughts…” He nodded and I looked around. “There are not many people in the village this evening.” 

“No, sees to be quiet. Is good, maybe fishing and hunting. Women gathering.” 

“Are there many children?” 

“There are a few, not too many right now.” 

I remembered DD and Dances with Fire and sighed again. “I think Igmu is the only other Apache that I’ve met… And Kilkyo..” 

“They have one adopted son. He is around some.” 

“She seemed very friendly. I met her with my brother Josh…” 

“Yes they are both good, although Igmu get in trouble a lot. I’m going to beat him with a tree branch,” he chuckled. 

“See... he came to me after being away for six years... He told me that our father had been killed. Then this past week he said he’d been looking through the estate files and announced that we were part-Apache. I was shocked, but also relieved because it explained so much…” 

“It is good you found this out, and trying to learn about your Apache side,” he said. 

“It explains why I have always had a heart for these people... for people from any tribe, no matter how they treated me... For some reason I couldn’t just let them go though all logic said that I had every right to do so.” 

“I do not think you will be treated badly here…” he said and gave me a stern look. “Unless you double cross us. Then it will not be good.” 

“I promise you, Nighthawk. I come only to learn about our heritage and to have a retreat from the violence and chaos that surrounds in the town.” 

“I will take you at your words until you prove I can not trust you. How long you be staying with us now?” 

“Only about an hour or two... I have had several talks with Chief Nah before this though.” 

“Seems he has run off to hunt maybe,” Nighthawk nodded. 

“He is a good man... He understands that I want peace through words... I just hope he is as true to his word as I am to mine with all of you.” 

“Nah is true to his word, unless you do something to cause him to mistrust all will be fine. I must go for a bit, I have to tend to something, but it is good to have you here,” he stood. 

“Thank you, Nightawk. Safe paths.” 

I stood and went to my tipi, thinking about how strange it felt to have one again. I zipped the tent shut and lay down, remembering the first night in the Cherokee village and shuddered. I tried to get the memories out of my head and told myself things were going to be different this time, trying desperately to believe it.