April 5, 1870

Colorado. 

This morning I was sitting in front of my office when a man walked over. He was looking for work and I told him it would be good to have some more writers. His name was Cole Thornton and he walked over to the horse and spurred it under his arm. “Easy girl,” he said to the horse. 

I walked over and watched as Cole put a rope around the horse’s neck. "Everything alright here?” 

“Do you know a vet this animal is hurt,” he looked at me. 

“Only vets I know are the Native healers. Don’t know of any vets here in town.” 

Cole tied his own horse that he was riding on the post and dismounted, walking over to the other horse. He gently pulled on the rope, leading the horse towards him. He pulled on the rope gently and watched the horse. 

I walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. “Let me try something?” 

“Easy girl,” Cole said to the horse and then looked at me. 

“Hey there girl, you hurt?” I slowly went over to the horse and reached out my hand. 

Cole tugged on the rope with a hard jerk and the horse kicked back at me. I looked over and saw another woman walking over. “Ma’am, are you good with horses?” 

Cole wrapped the rope around the post and gave the mare only three feet of movement. He looked at me and said, “I'll handle the mare.” 

The woman walked over and looked from the horse back to me. “Hello, is the horse alright?” she then glanced over at Cole and said, “Hello dear.” 

“Yep you seem to be handling her quite well,” I rolled my eyes at the typical male stubbornness. 

Cole walked into the Blacksmith Office and returned with a shovel and I looked at the woman. “This man’s your husband?” I watched the man with the shovel, curious what he would do next. He ran up and swung the shovel against the horse’s rear. 

“Yes, he is,” the woman nodded. 

The horse plopped down on the ground at impact and sat still as Cole quickly ran up and took his bandana to tie it around the horse’s head to cover its eyes. 

I sighed and walked closer watching the man , and went around to the other side of the horse. 

“Is there a doc or an apothecary about here?” Cole looked at me. 

“You’d think, wouldn’t you?” I sighed as he crouched down near the horse’s head, stroking her mane. “Let me go see if Roxanne’s around in the saloon. Just keep doing that ’till I get back.” 

“I’ll pay whatever the cost is,” he nodded. 

I walked into the saloon and saw Bo and Rox sitting there. “We need a healer out on the streets. There’s a horse that’s down and scared. It’s right out by the blacksmith shop. Roxanne, you’re a doctor right? But do you know how to work with animals?” 

“Yes, I work with all.” 

“Can you come?” I asked hopefully. 

“I can in a moment.” 

“Thanks hon. I’ll let them know you’re on your way. It’s just by the blacksmith shop,” I said and walked back outside. 

Cole continued to examine the horse as I walked out and told them that Rox would be around and that she was a doctor. Cole forced the horse down and I tried to insist that Cole be gentle with the horse. Rox tried to work with the horse but with the man being so persistent on doing it alone, she left. 

Chels walked over and asked, “You shot the horse, may I ask why?” 

“No, but I’m thinking about it,” Cole shook his head. 

“The horse was injured when we got here Chels,” I explained. “Cole was trying to tie it down or somethin’ but it’s being ornery.” 

“Well it’s blind folded and tied to that post there,” he said. 

"Well guess I will get the healer to take a look at the horse,” Chels said. 

“Do you have some water somewhere? Maybe the horse is thirsty?” I looked at the man. 

“I filled that pail there even gave it an apple.” 

“That’s good,” I nodded. “Look I’m sorry about the healer... And my attitude towards you earlier. You’re just trying to help,” I smiled at him and went to pet the horse’s mane slowly. “I grew up around horses... I know how to calm them down I just don’t know about the medical side of things.” 

“That’s my old lady over there, the one I told you about.” 

“Pleasure to meet you, ma’am. You both are new in town?” I looked over at the woman. 

“Pleasure to meet you.. yes we are, seems like a nice place to raise a family.. I’m Rani,” she said. 

“You have caused me a lot of pain here today,” Cole looked down at the horse and told her. 

“My name’s Trin. I run the newspaper in town,” I walked over to her. 

“Seems the mare is feeling a bit better,” Cole observed.

“So it would seem.” I looked over at the woman and said, “Your husband’s methods are a bit... intense... but looks like that horse will be fine now.” 

“Excuse me ma’am, my name is Cole… And I’m told you are law?” Cole looked over at Chels. 

“I’m one of the Marshals here and nice to meet you Cole,” she nodded. 

“Yes, he has..well.. a different approach to solving problem, but he does get it done,” Rani nodded. 

“The shovel was a bit much,” I nodded. 

“It’s good to meet you,” Cole smiled. “I have been helpin’ in a few ranger wars down around Eldorado and I'm looking for work.” 

“Well, it looks like he got the horse to calm down with out any damage,” Rani said to me. 

“Well if your looking for work in Law...the best one to speak with is Sheriff Adder,” Chels suggested. 

“I tried that yesterday. He’s not around much it would seem," Cole shrugged. “Well I’ll catch up to you, Marshal. Come on horse,” he said and tugged at the rope, leading the mare away. 

“You have a good day," Chels nodded to them. 

I shook my head and walked over to Chels as they left. “"Chels there’s no way Adder will hire him after that. I need to go tell him what Cole just did to that horse. He beat it with a hammer and tied it up with a rope and was pretty forceful with it.” 

“After what?” Chels raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m going to talk to Adder,” I said and headed to Adder’s place. I saw Igmu’s wife standing nearby and grew even more curious as I told him, “Adder, Cole’s on his way over to ask you about joining the law... But you can’t hire him.” 

“Oh? Who’s Cole?” 

“He just beat up a horse with a shovel and tied it to a fence pretty forcibly... To calm it down ’cause it was injured.” 

“He WHAT?” 

“I don’t know how he got the horse to relax but somehow he did and now he wants to talk to you about becoming law.” 

“He can whistle.” 

“I had to come over here and tell you before he did ’cause you cannot hire a man like that.” 

“I wouldn’t hire anyone without the two week waiting period, but he won’t get the job full stop. Who’s horse was it?” 

“I tried to calm the horse down on my own but he was indignant that he could do it his way,” I shrugged. “I don’t know. Never saw the horse before.” I looked over, still curious why Kilyko was hanging out at Adder’s house, but I didn’t question it. “It’s a good thing I told you, right?” I asked. 

“Aye, thanks Trin.” 

“If anyone did that to Flower here, I know you’d have them hanged," I said. 

“No, I’d carve ’em up,” he shook his head. 

“Guess I should head over to the saloon. Hope you have a good morning, Sheriff.” 

“Take care. I’ve  got a few things to sort out here.” 

I walked into the saloon and heard Cole saying he was going to talk to Adder. I chuckled and went to sit beside him at the bar, ordering my usual drink. Cole asked me if I’d seen the sheriff and I nodded, “Yeah I talked to him.” 

“You reckon he will be about. I’d like to talk to him about a job,” Cole nodded. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You might be better off as a marshal or somethin’.” 

“And why is that?” he looked at me. Well newspaper lady?” 

“Just don’t think it’s a good idea, Cole,” I shrugged. “And the name’s Trin.” 

Bo and I talked about how there was a note left saying that the bank had been robbed. I was still curious why no one would talk about it.

“I was talking with a Little Squall named skunk she was saying there were some banditos in town yesterday,” Cole said. 

“Banditos? From Mexico?” I asked, wondering if they had finally gotten their revenge.

“Well probably her and her bunch. They are bad news, some of them,” Bo said. 

“I’m not sure. She ran off before sayin’ any more," Cole said. 

“Give my people a bad name,” Bo muttered. 

I headed to the office but Cole asked me again, “Trin you never did tell me why you shrugged about the Adder thing?” 

“Just don’t think it’s the right job for you is all,” I shrugged. 

“That’s not exactly an answer.” 

“It’s the only one I’ve got for you right now. I’ve known Adder a long time and I don’t think you two would get along. You’d kill each other on day one." 

“Wouldn't be the first sheriff that didn’t see eye to eye with me.” 

“Maybe that’s a sign then,” I told him. 

“Maybe,” he said and took out his guns, shooting holes into the sign near the door, through the word ‘Colorado’. “You know there’s a law against unholstered guns in town, Cole? You’re lucky I ain’t law anymore.” 

“There ain’t much in the way of law in this town,” Cole laughed. 

“Give it time,” I glared at him. “And you’re fixing that sign.” 

“You fix it,” he said and threw me a silver dollar in the dirt. He got on his horse and rode off into town. 

I rolled my eyes and watched him ride off, knowing I’d pegged him from the moment I’d met him. I picked up the coin and chuckled, “Men,” I muttered and walked to the office. 

*** 

This afternoon I rode towards Kansas and greeted a woman on the way. She told me she’d only recently gotten her memory back and she told me, “I went for a visit that way exploring and some lunatic was hollering about not working for someone else....kind of was disturbing the peace….” 

“Oh? That don’t sound too positive. Wish it happened here in Colorado... We could report it then. ’Course these guys are known to come out to our area… Think you’ll recognize them if they do?” 

“I did see one strange man here… he stopped here by the fence and bid me hello...I said hello and the fella asked me if I knew someone named James I told him no...but he asked me to keep an eye out for him for this fella and the guy had an arsenal more then a normal man would….. I could recognize the voice I s’pose…..” 

“A guy named James, eh? Don’t know anyone by that name anymore... used to date a man named James though,” I winked at her. “He say why he wanted the man?” 

“No I told him it was not of my business and why would I do that…” she laughed. 

“Good answer,” I nodded. 

“You would think a man could do his own work…” she huffed. 

“You’d think but they want to get us women in trouble before themselves.” 

“Typical,” she laughed. 

“You’ll let me know if this guy comes back ’round? If you hear of anything and I’m not at my office you can always leave a note in my mailbox.” 

“Oh I shall I already let the lawman know… I found it rather peculiar…” 

“That’s good,” I smiled. “Thanks. I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name..” 

“Aysegul…” she said. 

“Pleasure to meet you,” I smiled. 

“You as well Trin…” she nodded and we said goodbye as I rode off. 

Kansas.

I dismounted my horse as I entered the Apache village and went to pet one of the horses, but he didn’t trust me. I heard Igmu and Tala talking about babies and I got curious as I saw Igmu walk out of the tipi. 

“Igmu..?” I asked, not sure if he would remember me. Tala rolled her eyes and hung a fur over the doorway. Igmu stayed outside and paced and I asked, “Is everything alright, Igmu?” 

“Labour,” he said and I wasn’t sure if it was human or animal labour. He said something in Apache but I told him I didn’t understand the language. “Wife has babies,” he muttered. 

“Congratulations, Igmu!” I smiled. “How do you say ’congratulations’ in Apache?” I asked, trying to learn, and he gave me the Apache word for it. 

“Three come soon, Igmu thinks,” he said. 

“Three?!” I raised an eyebrow. I saw the dog growling at me from beside Igmu and said, “The dog doesn’t trust me. I don’t think many here do yet.” Igmu was starting to take his bow off his back and I backed up, thinking he was protecting the babies against me. “Maybe I should go home… I hope everything goes well with the birth and that the babies are healthy and that your wife is strong,” I told him before walking off. 

I rode off towards home but stopped at the Cheyenne village. I went to the entrance and called out for Hawk, but there was no response at first. Finally, Hawk called me in and said I could enter. I sighed with relief and wiped the tears as I went to meet him by the fire. I saw him, Sasha and another woman by the fire and tried to hide the tears. 

“Haaahe Trin, have not seen you in many moons,” Hawk said. 

“I’ve tried to come and talk to you but you’ve been out hunting so I gave you the space. I wasn’t sure how wanted I was around here anymore.. So I gave it some time. I have missed you both.” 

“Hello Trin. Odd how you rode right by me with out a hello earlier for someone who says she missed us.” 

“Last time I was here you seemed to not want me around, so I wasn’t going to intrude.” 

“By showing disrespect to me on our land?” she asked. 

“It is not that we do not want on you our lands but lot has changed with all that went on,” Hawk said. 

“I understand that a lot has changed. A lot has changed for me too… My path has led me back to these lands. And even though I was trying to give everyone space and time to heal... I cannot escape who I am.” 

“As I told you the other day, we are not Apache,” Sasha said. 

“I have been trying to understand more about my Apache heritage. There is Apache in my blood... four generations back,” I looked at Hawk. 

“They are over there,” Sasha pointed at the other field. 

“I know that, I just…” I choked up again, looking at Hawk. “I’m sorry... I wish I could turn back time. I wish…” 

“It is good to honor where your blood comes from, blood does not heal things though and will take time.” 

“And I honestly don’t know why you are so tearful still. tala has told me you were invited there to learn their ways...so again...what do you need of us?” Sasha asked. 

“It is not that I need anything from you, Sasha. Only for you to know how much it hurts for me more than it does for you... I lost a family when I lost your tribe. Now I’m all alone. Tala and the Apache barely trust me... The only one who does is Chief Nah,” I told them. 

“My brother came to tell me that our father has been killed in Canada. I hadn’t seen him for over six years. In the past months I’ve barely seen him. The man I love hasn’t been around nearly at all in the past month either.” 

“Trust comes with time Trin and you must,” Hawk said. “Wait and work and it will come.” 

“I am trying, Hawk... but I feel so... alone now. I don’t know where to turn anymore other than to these lands. I guess I should go back to the lands.. I just... I wanted to…” I shook my head, not even knowing what to say. 

“Be well, Trin,” Sasha said and I walked away from the village. 

I walked over to the Apache village, needing to find peace again. Nah greeted me right away and I choked back tears as I looked over at the Chief and the man beside him. “Chief... Can we... speak alone?” I asked as he talked to the other man. 

“Yes, we can walk to pond,” he motioned for me to follow. “Let’s go there.” 

I nodded to the other man and followed the chief towards the water. I wiped the tears from my eyes, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders as I looked out. 

Nah picked up a rock and skimmed it across the top of the pond. “Still troubled?” he looked at me. “Trin, you want both worlds. In trying to achieve that you will find both worlds will question your loyalty.” 

“I understand, Chief... I just hate how much tension is between me and the Cheyenne... And now your tribe barely trusts me let alone talks to me... So I can’t even learn about our culture because no one will teach. I don’t know what to do anymore... Maybe I should just admit that this isn’t going to happen even though it’s in my blood…” 

“That is just how it is. There will come a time you must choose. I do not decide this. They see you live in white man’s world. You must understand we have been lied too so much by white man. There is no trust there anymore.” 

“You don’t think I’ve been lied to by Native men? And yet I still want to learn my heritage,” I looked at the chief. 

“If you’re blaming people, they’re holding you captive — and you’re never going to change. You not yet herd the words of your Spirit Guide and good chance you will not while you have two feet in two worlds.” 

“Maybe my spirit guide has been telling me to just stay in my home and not try to wander past there. The beavers.. They stay in the water. They hardly ever come out onto the grass.” 

“I think that is your thoughts and not the words of your Spirit Guide. You see a struggle before you and you hoped the path was not so hard. You must choose Trin. That is just how it is… and that is what you struggle with…” 

I pulled my knees up under my chin and rubbed my cheek against my knee to wipe away the tears. 

“There are new apache life coming into this world today. Igmu wife is in labor,” Nah said. 

“That’s what he said... I didn’t want to be in the way so I tried to go talk to Hawk,” I nodded. 

“Feet are to be in one world, Trin. Not in two.” 

I looked at him and said, “Even if I choose to stay here.... They will never trust me because I am white.” 

“I was taught that whenever I do something, it’s not because of me. We do it for the greater society and for the community, for our people, our brothers, our sisters, our cousins,” he said, “Remember those words.” 

“That’s the point, Chief... I have no personal reason to do this. None. Except to learn about my family.” 

“That is your personal reason, Trin. You do it for you, not for your family. If you did it for your family you would want to live with them. It goes back to what I said before. We do it for the greater society and for the community, for our people, our brothers, our sisters, our cousins,” he looked at me. “For Apache. To live, to help fight the fight for our heritage.” 

“I wish it were as easy a decision as you’re making it out to be, Chief,” I stood shakily, and then I heard Kilyko shouting in Apache and I looked back to the Chief. “I should let you get back to your people… I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me... I just... I have some thinking to do.” 

“I have always chosen my people, Trin,” he nodded. “The right thing to do is inside of you. Only you are making it difficult.” 

I nodded and walked out of the village, with one last look. I knew I needed to leave the Natives behind, even though it was really hard to do.