March 16, 1870

Colorado. 

This morning I talked with Johnny about how Suzi got attacked and was laying in the saloon. I told him to send out a telegram for a doctor and went to take a picture of the sheriff’s office for the newspaper. Suzi stared at me when I walked back home and muttered that if she had her guns she’d shoot me. 

While working on the newspaper I felt like I was being watched and looked around. I saw Tala walking towards me and greeted her. She looked at me and smiled, whispering, “When next paper out?” 

“Let’s go to my office,” I said to Tala and led the way inside. I locked the door and said, “Tala, we need to talk.” 

Tala became fascinated by the telegraph machine and pointed at it. “What this?” 

Please Tala, I really need to talk about something serious…” I told her nervously. “I know this isn’t your normal environment to talk, Tala, but I can’t be seen with you… Things have become worse for me here and I need to pull the Native article or I’ll get arrested for treason.” 

“I not have the pox!” she blinked. “What is treason?” 

“Not only that... But my life has been threatened by people like you, and has become suddenly not welcomed by other people like you. It is when I speak with an enemy who has declared war on the town.” 

“I never threaten you! Why you say I threaten you?” she raised a brow. 

“We can’t talk long here but I wanted you to know because the Apache have shown me nothing but kindness. I’m saying people like you, Tala. The Cheyenne, the Cherokee... People I had once trusted. It breaks my heart and I am afraid to be seen with your people, in case they decide to do the same thing. Things started well with the other two tribes too, and now my life is in danger because of them.” 

“Why you say that? What we do to you?” she furrowed her brow. “Why white man steal from us, start war with us, then say we start the war?” 

“These strings of fires throughout our town... If my suspicions are right... my building will be the next target as soon as the paper goes out without a Native column,” I ignored her questions. “Listen.. You and your tribe have shown me nothing but kindness. I am deeply appreciative for how your chief has welcomed me there. But I need to be safe about this too. And showing everyone that I have good relations with your tribe, especially if the Cherokee and Cheyenne hear about it, that can only end badly.” 

“What you want Tala to do? I bring Nah to speak with you! He big chief, has many friends in other tribes,” she whispered. 

“No, don’t bring him here. I will find a time when it’s safe for me to visit with you on your land. Maybe we could meet in the mine or somewhere secretive like that…” I shook my head. 

“You know the old mission in Kinglsey? Tala hunts down there,” Tala nodded. 

“I just wanted to give you the information that I am not including the Native’s perspective in the paper." She smiles when the woman mentions Kingsley, "Yes, I’ve been to Kingsley.” 

“I talk to Nah, tell him what you say. Meet you at mission in two days?” 

“It will have to be a meeting on short notice. I can’t promise what will happen in the next few days. I’ll send a telegraph to your village for Chief Nah and we will arrange a time then to meet. Is that okay?” I looked at her. 

“We not get telegraphs, News Woman. Send… Chet. man in first box in Devil’s Ditch.” 

“I can do that,” I nodded. “He is a good friend of mine.” 

“Tala should go, now. I will tell Nah.” 

“Let me unlock the door for you.” 

I stood and hugged her, but she was enthralled with the telegraph machine. I told her it wasn’t safe for her to be here and she said it wasn’t safe anywhere before heading out of the office. 

I went upstairs and worked on the paper and then released the third issue of the paper to the town. I knew this one would be controversial and hoped that I would continue to stay safe. 

*** 

This afternoon I walked down the street and told everyone that I’d released the paper. I went to the store and bought groceries before heading upstairs. I saw Sugar down by the church and went to talk to her. She said she’d been taking some time off from working too many jobs and I told her about going to Canada with my brother for our father’s funeral. We talked about the places where we’d lived and our relationships. 

I went over to Devil’s Ditch and thought about my conversation that morning. I knew that I should still give them a voice somehow but I also knew that I would be putting my life at risk with law in Colorado. I sighed, wishing there wasn’t such a conflict over it and that I could just keep hating the Natives because they were all alike, but something in my heart kept pulling me back to them. I knew that even though things weren’t great now with either the Cherokee or Cheyenne, the Apache had done nothing but welcome me and Tom. I knew that if it weren’t for the Native people on many occasions, I wouldn’t even be alive. I took a ride to think. 

Kingsley. 

I rode to Kingsley to think and then saw Igmu, Tala and Nah hunting a bore. I recognized Icca and backed up, thinking how long it had been since I’d seen him. I heard them talking in Apache and didn’t want to say anything to them yet. I watched them, feeling between two worlds. On one hand, I knew Adder couldn’t do anything about me talking to them out here, but I knew if he ever found out he would be upset. 

Nah turned on me then and said, “I told you not print truth from apache any more. I thought this happen. White man does not want truth for all to read.” 

I swallowed hard when I heard the chief and saw Young Doe following, and looked at Tala for help. She nodded, as if prodding me to tell him everything. “Chief... you were right. The sheriff threatened that if I shared your perspective that he would arrest me for treason so I pulled the article..” 

“So you say at first is you want to tell both side... apache, Indian side. Now you can not? You fall to pressure...? What do you say to this?” Nah asked. 

“I’ve been so confused, and so hurt, by Native tribes that have welcomed me at first and then became cold and hostile towards me. Just let me explain…” I said, getting emotional. “For all reasons I should just count you like the other tribes, and think that this could happen from you as well. But at the same time I just have something that keeps pulling me back to you. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know why, but for some reason I still feel as if I owe my life to your people. Even though it is the same people who have threatened it. Again, not specifically this tribe. I don’t know what to do,” I wiped the tears from my eyes. “I’m scared, I’m confused, I’m…” 

Young Doe slipped her hand in Tala’s and looked at me with suspicion as Nah spit on the ground. “Is simple to answer. Yes. No. Again white with so many words to say. You go back on words. You came to US say you want to tell Indian side too. I say alright. I tell you truth to put words in print paper,” he glared at me, “How have conflict inside to tell truth. You waist our time.”

I sighed and looked to Tala, feeling wounded and upset. I still didn’t know what to do or what I even wanted to say to them. Tala said something to Nah in Apache and I just nodded as they continued to talk. Eventually I said, “Listen... Something in my heart pulls me towards the Natives. I know this by the fact that every man I have ever loved since coming to the west has been part-Native. I don’t know what it means but it must mean something.” 

“Enough time. You think of only your own self when is not for paper to report all truth. Now we hunt. Be gone women!” Nah turned away to go back to hunting. “Stay maybe arrow find its way into you.” 

I sighed, looking to Tala and shaking my head. “I’m sorry… I tried,” I choked, still emotional. She looked at me and shrugged and then Doe walked slowly over to me. She stared up at me and slowly took her thumb to wipe away my tear. I smiled sadly, touched by her tenderness. 

“These tears real. They talk from soul. Miss Trin, have good soul, but poison by pale face trickery,” the girl told me. 

“Thank you, little one…” I cried. “I’m sorry... I.. I’m just so confused.” 

“Ask spirits. They show you path.” 

“They lead me to your people. I don’t know why... all logic says that I should avoid them... But… For some reason I just can’t let it go, that connection…” I sighed. I saw them drawing their bows and thought they were going to shoot me, and stood straighter. 

“If you believe that your path is with native, you must do much to gain trust. It truly your path, it be worth the fight,” she told me. 

“I hope you’re right…” I looked at Doe. 

“If spirit smile on you, no native arrow will pierce you.” 

“Child... do me a favor..?” I asked and she looked up. “Could you... tell Hawk bout this day?” 

“I will,” she nodded. 

“I miss him and Sasha terribly... for this same reason... They have always protected me and now he doesn’t even want me in his village either.” 

Tala walked over to stand with Doe and looked at me with a nod. “She is smart girl. You must not give up, ever, if your words are true. Adder not speak for all. I know this.” 

“See all logic tells me to just let that go and stop trying but... my heart... It…” I sighed. I nodded to Tala, but I knew I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. 

Tala smiled at Doe, then looked at me. “You can’t give up. We do not. And we have so much going against us. But, still we fight. Because we are right!” 

“Logic is pale face way of not listening to spirits,” Doe said. 

I nodded, knowing they were both right. I thought of my own faith that I’d neglected from being so distracted with battles of the flesh and sighed. “I should go home before those men change their minds about their target.” 

Tala said goodbye to me and walked back to join the hunt. Doe looked at me and said, “You must be one with own spirit first.. must purge of pale face poison. Will be hard battle. But you the only one you can change.” 

“Thank you, little one. You are wise for your age,” I smiled at her. “I should head home. Safe paths to you, and may the spirits bless you.” I got up on my horse and rode home.