Wyoming.
This morning I rode over to the Cherokee village and called across. The chief invited me over to sit by the fire so I went and sat down beside him. “Have you been picking berries and herbs or just exploring?” he asked with a smile.
“Thank you for letting me watch the ceremony before the hunt.. It was very interesting to experience. Sorry I couldn’t be more help in the hunt itself....”
“You did well, maybe you learn more about our ways by watching hunt.”
“Once those weapons started coming out though....” I nodded, looking into the fire and feeling ashamed of herself.
“Why are you ashamed?”
“Chief I fear the past will haunt me forever... I don’t know if I’ll ever get those memories out of my head. When I heard that gunshot, Chief, it brought me back to the last time I heard that sound... when the bullet was ripping through my arm... I panicked and came back here to the fire to wait for you to be finished. I don’t want to show them fear, Chief... But... I am afraid that the ghosts will follow me forever.”
“Your ghosts will follow you forever, until you face and defeat them.”
“Maybe that’s what I’m trying to do by helping your people stay safe.... by communicating with the marshals who can do something about it,” I nodded. “Maybe that’s my way of fighting back... but I fear I’ll be drawn into the crossfire again.”
“You must ask the one in control of all things for strength and courage to face this foe.”
“But Chief... there’s more than one foe. It’s all of them... The dark side, as it were...”
“Do you know them by name?”
“The ones I spoke to you of when we met... It doesn’t matter names.. It’s just the group of them... When I hear gunshots or see knives.. It transports me back to those times and I...” I looked back into the fire.
“It does matter. One cannot fight their enemy until they know clearly who that enemy is.”
I looked at him, thinking I’d already told him the names of the people I was running from. “I’m sorry chief, this isn’t what you want to hear from the person who’s trying to help you stay safe.”
The chief stood and I felt like I couldn’t even look him in the eye because of the shame and weakness I felt. He looked down at me and said, “Hear my words well... their names are not the names of men. They are called names like fear, anxiety, panic, unworthy... many of these things. That is your enemy. The name of a man only represents a human face you put on your real enemy. You are fearing the symptom and being blind to the root cause of your fear. Man is only the symptom of that which torments your very being. Look at me,” he said and I looked up. “I am but a man. I face the same trials , temptations and fears that you and all others do.”
“But you’re so...” I started, not believing a man like him could have fears.
“And if I yield to them, I will fall victim to them... I do fear what they might do to me... but I fear worse the pain of not having the courage to stand against them. I fear the scorn of the people as they point to me and say, ‘he did not stand’. Within your spirit there is a great war going on, as there is in the spirit of all of us. It is a war of good against evil. If we do not stand with the good in our inner spirit against that which evil... the evil will torment us all our living days. Running from those spirits does not give you escape... it only gives them exercise and makes them stronger as they chase you wherever you go.”
“I know you’re right, Chief... I’ve been fighting these forces since Amiville and I’ve been letting them win by showing them my fear,” I nodded. “I let them bully me out of that town. I let them follow me to Colorado Springs. Being a detective comes with obvious dangers, I have to accept that or find a new profession.”
“No, you must face these demons. How will you do that?”
“And if I find a new profession..... that’s letting them win because I can’t just step back like that. I was hoping by talking to the marshals in the area... we could get warrants on the outlaws and take them down.”
“These are not demons that you can call upon other men to help you fight. These are spiritual demons that only you, and the Great One can fight. You think of these words... I will speak no more of them for now.”
“Thank you Chief, you’ve given me a lot to think about,” I nodded. The chief looked over by the river and then went to investigate. “Chief? Everything okay?”
“Ayashe, do not be afraid. Come and sit at our fire. This is Trin. Ayashe, she is hunting on our lands,” Chief Standing Bear introduced the Native woman.
“Hello Trin,” Ayashe nodded.
“Hello,” I smiled.
“Ayashe, this is Trin, one who is learning our ways. Sister are you hungry from your journey?”
“Yes I am.”
The chief went to gather some food and brought the stew to the pot, and began cooking it. Ayashe and I talked about how we lived in paleface villages and the chief served the stew to us. We talked about the buffalo hunt as we ate and then she told me that as a baby she was taken and how she had made home among the paleface, though she was Native. The chief talked to her about how she should live with her own people and how she might like to live there with them. I explained how I was staying there sometimes to get to know them and their culture.
“I must get back before paleface man come looking for me,” Ayashe said then.
“Do yo have paleface man?” Bear asked.
“He is bad man. I do as he says.”
“A bad man, Miss?” I raised an eyebrow. “What’s his name?”
“Why do you remain with him if he is bad man?” Bear asked.
“He will hurt me if I run from him. I cannot give his name or I will be hurt.”
“What’s his name? He won’t have to know you told us,” I said, looking at the chief with concern.
“He would. He hides me in his home when others come.”
“Sister... tell me. In your heart, do you wish to escape from this man?” the chief asked. “Or do you wish to remain with him?”
“If I stay I will be safe with him. If I leave, he will hunt me down... cut me. He is hunting now but been gone three days. I needed food so I hunt.”
“If you wish to leave him we will give you shelter and protection here,” Chief said. “If he comes here to harm you, we will punish him severely and send him away.”
She looked at us both and said, “Thank you so much for your kindness, but I must go. No need to bring you trouble here at your village.”
“Let us deal with it on his ground then, Miss,” I insisted. “I know people around the west... Powerful people in law... They could keep you safe against this man until they could apprehend him.”
“He does as well, Trin,” she looked at me.
“If they had evidence of a crime and if they get a warrant on him...’” I said, looking at the chief.
“He has power, Trin.”
“So do they... Only difference is they use it for good.”
“Sister, you are welcome here at any time,” Chief said. “And if you wish to have a home here, you shall have it , where you can live without fear. I wish to give you a gift of friendship.” The chief gave her a bracelet and I smiled at the exchange.
“Thank you, but your village is too beautiful to let this man come here,” Ayashe said.
“I did not say this evil man can live here sister,” the chief clarified. “I say you can and live here without fear of him or what he might do to you.”
“No, but he come for me. It be blood shed.”
Chief looked at me and then back at Ayashe. “Sister I sense that your heart is troubled and in turmoil. Remember, Standing Bear gives his word that you may come here if you are afraid or need help.”
“Miss, please, at least tell us where you’re from. So that maybe I could come visit you,” I tried.
“Like I said, I do not read paleface words,” she said to me. “I know only by seeing.”
“Maybe you could hear it from someone there... Can you describe it for me?” I asked and then Chief spoke in Native language to her and then I asked, “What kind of buildings? The layout of the town?”
“The way I come is past the hills over river many.”
“That is land paleface call Colorado. I know this land,” Chief said.
“Colorado?” I looked between them.
“No, he will not let me speak to anyone,” Ayashe shook her head.
“Ask her which part of Colorado,” I said to the Chief.
“Trin, she say this man not allow her to speak to anyone,” Chief said.
“The saloon in East has the porch out front with tables and chairs and barrels on it... The one in West is a darker building with not much inside but the bar and a few poker table,” I explained.
“It is land called Colorado on side where Sun come from behind mountain in morning?” Bear asked Ayashe.
“I have only seen sun three times there.”
“She live in land called Colorado East... Where sun rise. That is her lands.”
“I must go before he gets home,” Ayashe said.
I swallowed, knowing that’s where I moved from before going to Nebraska and then watched the chief give the woman more food and talk with her in their Native tongue. Chief told me that she had to go home now before the man found her missing. I asked her if I could come visit but she said that I should stay away.
When the woman left, Chief looked at me with worry and my expression matched his. “It is evil man that keep her. He should have his tongue cut out.”
“I could sense her fear. Chief, I know people in Colorado East. Good people.”
“Maybe you can learn this man’s name.”
“I’ll tell them to look out for her... perhaps tell them her name, see if they can find the man she is around.”
“We will not take her from him unless she tell us that what she want... but I know she fears him.”
“If we can catch him in the act in Col. East, maybe they can arrest him there.”
“A woman should not share a man’s furs because she fears him... but because her heart sings with love for him and she want to be at his side.”
I looked at him, wanting to give the woman enough time to get home so she wasn’t afraid of being followed and not wanting to leave the chief’s side so soon now that we were alone again. I took a deep breath and said, “This is how I can fight back, Chief.”
Colorado Springs.
I rode over to Colorado a couple of hours later and found Adder at his house. He invited me in and we sat down on the couch to talk. “So I’m actually here on business..”
“Aye, whats up?”
“I was with Chief Bear at his village in Wyoming this morning... This native woman came over; I guess she was hunting something in the area cause we heard gunshots, and when she came she said she was hunting for food. Thing is... she started talking about going back home and suddenly got very nervous.”
“Oh?”
“She mentioned there was a man back home that didn’t want her out talking to people about him, that wouldn’t let her go out alone... But she was out hunting because he’s away for three days.. Thing is, Adder... When Chief tried to get out of her where she was from... She described Colorado East.”
“Oh? What did she say?”
“I’m not sure the description she gave as they were speaking in a different area... But Chief seemed convinced that she was from here.”
“Any idea of her name? Or the man’s name?”
“Her name is Ayashe. I don’t know his name; she didn’t seem willing enough to give that information. She seemed very afraid of him, Adder. Said he was paleface...”
“Can’t say I’ve heard of her. If she’s really afraid she’s got a three day window to escape or come to someone for help.”
I nodded and said, “I was just thinking maybe if you’d heard the name before, or had met her in passing, you could look out for her and see who this guy is that’s hanging around her.”
“I’ll keep my eye open, but I can’t see there’s anything I can do.”
“If you catch him doing something... know there’s not much you can do at this point... But I wanted to see if you’d met her yet.”
“Aye. If I catch this man who I have no idea who he is doing something I’ll deal with him as I would anyone.”
“I know this is all very vague, Adder. I get that. It was a shot in the dark that you’d heard the woman’s name. That’s the only reason I’m here.”
“Ok. Like I said I’ll keep an eye out. She might not even be from here. The chief could be mistaken, or she could be from somewhere else and described Colorado Springs to throw you off.”
“Thank you, Adder. I’m sorry this is so very little detailed. Have you seen Despres recently?”
“Not for a day or two, but I’ve not been around much myself,” he shook his head.
“We really need to talk to him,” I sighed.
“Still not spoken to him about the raids?”
“I’ve sent wires.... nothing’s getting replied to. He may be out of town.”
“They’re covering a lot of ground at the moment,” Adder nodded.
“Well if you see him...”
“I’ll let him know,” he nodded.
“Thanks, Taurus. I should head back to the chief,” I stood and said to him. “Safe paths, Taurus. I’ll see you soon.”
“Take care Trin.”
Wyoming.
I headed back to the village and talked with Chief Standing Bear about the conversation with Adder and how he didn’t recognize the woman’s name but that he would look out for her. I asked what language she spoke and he said that she spoke some Cherokee. I promised to continue to look into this case and he agreed that it was important.
“Woman, I see nervousness in your eyes... look like eye of rabbit when it smell coyote near,” Chief observed.
“It’s not because I don’t trust you, Chief... It’s just that...”
“Talk to me...” he said and I swallowed hard. “Why you nervous?”
“I think you need to know some of the things I’ve been through.. It may give context to our previous discussion this morning.”
“Have I given you reason to make you feel unsafe?”
“No, Chief, it’s not that at all. I feel safe with you.”
“Then tell me... where has your path taken you?” he asked.
“Okay...” I took a deep breath. “I guess the trouble started when I was running the newspaper in Amiville. I’d come across a story... of a few that had happened in town. Well it turned out that I found out the man responsible for said fire. And he did not exactly run with the nicest of crowds. I wasn’t sure whether to go to the law about it, because I didn’t have much proof that he was indeed responsible. But I knew in my heart... and from witnesses at the scene’s testimonies, that he was the one who did it. Anyway I was riding around one night shortly after and came across this cave in Idaho West... I heard my friends shouting from inside. They were being held hostage. They told me to run for help so I went and found this man standing out front of the cave. He told me to give him so many coins and he would help me out. Well... he brought me to the door of the cave and it turned out that he was apart of the outlaws who were holding my friends captive. I tried to get away but he grabbed me and dragged me into the cave. “Bill told me that I had to blame the fire on one of my close friends, who was a lawman at the time.”
“Trick...” Chief nodded.
“He said that if I said that in the article, then he would let me go. I told him I would and then asked what about my friends. He said I was pushing it but that if I went back and got the law to burn up all the warrants against them, then he would let my friends go. My friends were law at the time as well. So I said fine, I’ll see what I can do. But before he let me go he took out a knife and...” I held out my arm to show him the scar. “It was just a flesh wound... but it was enough to remind me that he meant business.”
“He do this to you?”
“This all happened just back in August. Three months ago.”
“What else they do?”
“For weeks after that cave incident... he would come around and just stand close to me and just breathe down my neck, letting me know he was there. Then they had my friend tied up to a pole in Georgetown another time... And he came by to give me a picture of her tied up... He said if I come to take her down they would let us both go. But I wasn’t going anywhere with him alone, and I was with a friend of mine at the time. He went out and started some dynamite in front of the hotel where we were eating... but it was fake dynamite and didn’t actually go off. We just heard the ticking and ran. Things were quiet except for a few minor mishaps with Buu and Raven... She held her gun on me, just because I was trying to ignore them and told her that I wasn’t going to go with to see Bill. Ended up in a gunfight out on the street with some men who were there. But the worst part, Chief...” I looked into the fire. “Well, before that... that friend who they’d tied up in Georgetown; she was also the same one they’d had in the cave. They drugged her so that she completely forgot her life before then and she became one of them. It was like she didn’t even know me. But the worst part Chief... One of the women who was hanging out with them, Nell... She killed my best friend because she thought that he and I were together when she was going to have a baby with him.” But we were nothing more than friends and everybody knew that. But she shot him... right there in front of me. And then Bill dragged him off down the street...” I cried at the memory, leaning forward and hiding my face against my knees.
“She think you share his bed?” he asked and I nodded between the tears.
“We never did once, Chief. We were best friends. That was it. But she killed him. And he let her. And then after that...”
“I believe you speak with one tongue.”
“They started to spread rumors about me...”
“What more they say?”
“They told people I was telling folks that their gang worked at the whore house in Amiville. And that I was spreading rumors about them. But after they killed Sayler... I couldn’t even talk about them. I just kept my distance... Didn’t print anything about them in the paper after that.”
“So you never say these things?”
“I never talked about them once, Chief. But then... whenever I met new people it was like they already had this tarnished view of me...”
“Your words trouble me.”
“Then...” I swallowed, knowing the worst was yet to come.
“I wish to know all,” he said.
“I was in the church in Amiville, telling all this to the sheriff as he was new... And it seemed Bill was back in town. Rosa came over and tried to talk with us, wanting to know why we were talking in secret.”
“Maybe I will send message to my friend Chief Hawk to come and look for these animals with me,” Bear growled in anger.
“While we were talking to her... Bill’s whole gang showed up. All of them... right in front of the door there. ust stood there talking about how I was always hiding from them in the church, cause I know that’s the one place Bill won’t show up. Then...” I sobbed a bit. “Rosa, who was a judge, said, ‘I’ll give her to you for two thousand coins.’ I was speechless, Chief.”
“They try to sell you?”
“Logan was trying to stand between me and the gang, but she was just talking to them like they were friends. I ended up sleeping on the front pew bench of the church until dawn, then went home. But Chief... Five days after that... Bill came into the town... and told me he didn’t like what he was hearing about me spreading rumors. I tried to talk him down and walk away but... He shot me down, Chief. Right there in front of the saloon. Just under a month ago now I guess. That’s when I moved to Colorado Springs.”
“For no reason he shoot you?!” the chief stood up, anger on his face.
“Then... He and Nell came to the saloon in Colorado Springs. While I was playing Poker with Taurus. They just came in, as if nothing had happened. They were talking about how I wasn’t allowed back in Amiville... Adder and I just ignored them.. That’s when I realized I had to come closer to Kansas... Through all of this, Hawk’s village has been like a sanctuary. I would go out there to feel peace, to relax, and unwind. He’s like a mentor to me... he kept me sane... So it only made sense to come out this way where I felt more safe.”
“You have suffered much. These people must pay for what they have done to you.”
“But Chief... The other day in Nebraska... A couple of women came into the saloon. There was something about them... I don’t even know how to describe it but this familiar feeling of dread came over me.”
“What is that?”
“I don’t know Chief I just felt... something familiar around them and left. I didn’t want to stay to figure out what it was.”
“You were rise.”
“But Chief if they...” I looked around, starting to panic. I took a deep breath.
“You think they follow you?” he asked, stepping closer to me.
“They might have..?” I started, but I was too scared to even speak.
“Why are you afraid of me?” he asked, looking down at my scar.
“I’m not afraid of you, Chief... It’s them... I...” I leaned forward.
“If they follow you here they will all die. I believe you are good woman, I will tell my people you are under our protection. When they hear this words from me... they would lay down their own life to protect yours.” He stood back a bit.
“Chief...” I reached out to take his hand. He took my hand, and I noticed the contrast in color between us. “Chief... I trust you. Completely. Or I wouldn’t have told you all this. Not many know this story in its entirety. I tell you because I don’t want to hold anything from you.”
“It will remain with me alone for now.” He squeezed my hand and I felt strength from him. He gently helped me to my feet and since I was shaky, he put a hand on my shoulder to steady me. He reached out to wipe the tears from my cheeks and said, “Do not be afraid.” His eyes looked down to my face, then my lips, then downward. I realized how long it had been since I even thought about Sayler’s death and got emotional again.
“Sometime soon I should tell you about what happened before the cave incident that started this all... The first man I fell in love with in Amiville... who we’d all thought was murdered but turned out to be alive,” I said, trying to change the subject.
Chief Bear opened his arms to me and I fell into his embrace. He encircled my back with his arms and I felt safe in his grasp, leaning against his chest.
“Now you see the powers of darkness I’ve been fighting... And how last night’s hunt brought pieces of it back...”
“You have been through so much,” Chief looked at me, tilting my chin upward. He pushed a wisp of hair from my cheek and brought me closer to him, his eyes fixed on mine. I felt safety for the first time in months as he traced down the side of my face. I felt emotional and leaned against him, feeling him caress my back softly. I found I didn’t want to let go of him and he tipped my chin upward, our eyes meeting again. I saw something that resembled desire in his eyes and he stayed quiet, then slowly released me from his arms. “You have told me much... and it has made your heart heavy..” he said at length. “You need to rest now.”
“But you know what else, Chief...”
“What?”
“I feel a bit of relief having told you all of this... As if I can leave this information with you... I can rest in confidence knowing that you will protect me and keep me safe.”
“Cast it off. Allow me to carry it for you... with my life if need be.”
“Chief do you mind if I... sleep in one of your teepees?” I asked hesitantly.
“Usually this would not be permitted, in fact it has never been permitted. But... you have touched my spirit.”
“I can go home if I need to...” I looked down.
“You will be allowed to sleep in an asi. I will see that you have a warm fire and plenty of food.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am chief. I have spoken the words. It will be so.”
I smiled and hugged him, thanking him against his chest.
“Thank you... for trusting me with these secrets. You honor me.”
“I feel you are one that I can trust.”
“I will not break your trust.”
“Not only are you a friend of Hawk’s, but you have a tribe that respects and trusts you as well.”
“I hope they do... they are my people. I want the best for them.”
We walked back to the village and I greeted Dances with Fire. Chief told the tribe that I was to be treated with respect and as an honored guest. The chief showed me an asi to sleep in and I rested for a while, feeling the emotion flood over me.
A few hours later I woke up from a very short nap and cried intensely. I had had a nightmare about Sayler dying and tried to calm down. I walked out into the village and looked around nervously. I saw a woman off in the distance and then walked over to the fire, not seeing the chief anywhere. I talked with the tribe. I was nervous about how everyone would accept me there. They gave me food and promised to protect me. I told them about how I wanted to find protection and healing from the things I had been through. I knew I still would be going back home to Nebraska and that I couldn’t stay in the village forever, though I enjoyed talking with the tribe. I met Howling Bear, who was Dances with Fire’s father. They made sure I had eaten and then I told them that I had things I needed to take care of back home, so I said goodnight and headed back to Nebraska.
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