Nebraska.
This morning I walked out of my hose and greeted Shadow, who was forever by my side. A woman walked over and she introduced herself as Angie. We talked about the town and all of the children she had. I fed Shadow some breakfast and scratched him behind his ear.
A man walked over to the saloon and I called over, “Hey Jim!”
“Mornin’, how are ya?” he looked over to me.
“Morning. I’m doin well, and yourself?”
“Doin’ okay,” he smiled.
“Glad to hear it. Was worried bout you yesterday.”
“Worried about me, why is that?”
“You ran out of the saloon kind of quickly yesterday.”
“Yes I did leave in a bit of a hurry,” Jim said, tossing some food over to Shadow.
“Everything alright?”
“Yes, I suspect so.”
“We can go inside and chat if you like...?”
“Aw you got better things to do then listen to me Trin.”
“Nah, I really want to talk with you. Not much goin on at all today really, and you’ve been on my mind.”
“Well I got a few minutes I guess.. What’s on your mind?” he asked and we went inside the house where Shadow lay down next to the fireplace and we sat down on the couch and chair. “So what’s been on your mind?” he asked when we got comfortable.
“Just been thinking about what you were talking about yesterday... I could see hurt in your eyes and it concerned me.”
“It’s nothing Trin. All of us got something or other we have to pack around,” he said, looking around.
“Nice place you have here.”
“Thanks Jim. Not sure how much longer it’ll work as I’m tryin to start up a new business... Going to be running a newspaper in the area. Kind of like I did in Amiville but covering more ground.”
“Sounds like something the territory could use. When ya gonna do that?”
“Going to cover five of the smaller towns: Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa, Wyoming, and Georgetown. As soon as we talk to the mayors of those cities to make sure everyone’’s on the same page. It’ll be a monthly issue.”
“Well I reckon you probably a good one for the job.”
“Thanks Jim. I miss the work,” I smiled.
“I’m sure you’ll do fine, Trin.”
“I need something more... peaceful than detective, law type jobs. Granted the newspaper came with its own issues but... It was more fun. Wasn’t looking over my back as much, ya know?”
“Understand that. For me lawyerin is all I know how to do.”
“I should tell you about the case I did in Colorado Springs. I was a DA for a day. Was an incredible case. I didn’t even have to give my closing statement,” I winked at him. “Was this guy who aimed his gun at the mayor and sheriff and a bunch of other people in the saloon. Pretty open and shut, right?”
“Yep, would seem so,” he smiled.
“So anyway he gets on the stage... the judge completely forgot to swear him in with the Bible and everything... and he just started to lie all over the place on the stand.”
“Go on, getting interesting.”
“Got to the point where his lawyer was like , ‘I can’t defend you anymore. You’re not being truthful with me at all and never mentioned this when we met earlier’. So then the judge is like ‘I’ve heard enough!’ She declared him guilty before I even could give my closing statement. I had two witnesses I didn’t even use.”
“That’s the way to get it over with in a hurry,” he chuckled.
“Mmhmm. Not to mention the fact that the whole jury disappeared. The only one left on the jury stand was this woman, who I later found out was the wife of the defendant’s attorney. The fun part about all this was that we only had about an hour to prepare for the trial.”
“Well sounds like you had fun with that one.”
“So we scrounged up the witnesses we could but we didn’t even need ‘em..” I said and saw him half smiling. “Are you okay, Jim? Really? Jim...” I looked at him with worry.
“Yes, I’m fine Trin. You don’t need to fret over me. I’m doin’ fine.”
I sighed, knowing he wasn’t, but I didn’t want to push. “I’m sorry, Jim, I just.. We can talk about something else... Just thought talking about the case would be more common interest...” I said, watching him shift his gaze to the fire and a tear rolled down his cheek. I went over and sat beside him on the couch, putting a hand on his knee. “Trin, I’m fine,” he looked at me. I took my hand away and didn’t believe him and he looked at me. “Trin, you not believing a word I’m saying are you?”
I shook my head and said, “No, Jim. I can read something in your expression...” He nodded and his eyes welled up more and I rubbed his knee comfortably. “Jim.. Sometimes it helps to talk about these things...”
“Trin, I’m not sure you want to hear this story.”
I reached over and held his hand and said, “Tell me something then... When we saw each other again you seemed very.... not yourself...”
He gripped my hand and said, “Trin, you know I come from St Louie. Grew up there, went to school there... When I was in third year of high school, a neighbor took interest in me, saw my grades were good. Happens he was a judge. Started talking to me about law, and the more he talked, more interested I got. He told me what I needed to concentrate on in last year of high school... and then if my grades were still good he wanted to talk to me about college. Never had though bout college, figured I’d go to work in the mill or something.”
“Right...”
“But time passed, grades even improved and graduated close to top of my class in high school.”
“Impressive...”
“To shorten the story, the Judge liked what he saw and helped me get accepted into St Louis Univ. Department of law... so... I set to readin’ law. Liked it... and three years later.... got my JD. Judge make me his clerk for a year. So I read his cases, learned a lot, asked a lot of questions. Then he let me look at some undecided cases he had pending and asked me to write an opinion on all of them.”
“That sounds like it would be a very interesting job,” I said, seeing that the touch helped him talk more and I continued to stroke his hand with my thumb.
“Turns out he agreed on most of my decisions and actually used them.”
“I wish I could’ve done that on detective cases but it never got that far.”
He nodded and said, “Then he helped me get a job as assistant DA. I was fascinated with it, figured it was a way to make the world a better place by getting bad people in jail where they belonged. I worked hard, won my share of cases. I walked to work every day. About fifteen blocks.”
“I would have loved to have seen you in court...”
“During those walks, I used to see a beautiful young woman out in her yard , cleaning flowerbeds, picking roses or just enjoying the morning. Finally one day, I had a few minutes extra time and I stopped to speak to her. That was the day that I met Donna Sue. I stopped by the yard fence, took my hat off and said ‘Morning Ma’am. Sure is a fine day.’ She smiled, looked back and said, ‘It surely is.’ I introduced myself... she told me her name... and I had to run along then. But then every day, I left early so I could talk with her. We fell love over that picket fence. I saved up some money, then one morning I stopped for my chat with her. Picked one of her roses, handed it to her. She took it as if she’d never seen it before and smiled. It was then I took the little box out of my pocket, opened it took the small gold band out... showing it to her, and I said, ‘Donna Sue, will you marry me?’ I was scared beyond words that she’d say no.”
“Not sure how anyone could deny a proposal like that,” I smiled.
“She looked at me wide eyed for moment... then dropped the garden trowel she was holding and threw her arms around me and said ‘I thought you’d never ask. Yes I’ll marry you’,” she said. Two weeks later we were married. I was the happiest man on earth, she was my reason for living and breathing. We had been married for almost two years. In the meantime I had been promoted to Sr Assist. DA,” he said and I started combing his hand with my fingers slowly, knowing the story was about to go downhill from here. “Then I was given a case to prosecute. A triple homicide that involved some characters well know in the city for their brutality in controlling gambling and prostitution.”
“Is this the case that brought you to Amiville?”
“It’s the case that caused me to leave St. Louie.”
“So this is before you and I met.”
“Yes... long before. I worked 3 months on that case, interviewing witnesses, taking depositions.. and I put a good case together. Two days before trial date, a boy appeared at my office, with a written message, said he’s bee n paid a dollar to deliver it to me. ‘If you convict the defendant in this case, you will live to regret it the rest of your life’. It wasn’t signed and the boy had been told he would be killed if he described the one who gave it to him. He wouldn’t say a word more. Well I thought a lot, prayed a lot and decided that I had taken an oath and I must honor it and do what I had to do in that courtroom. It was that night, when I got home, Donna Sue, wanted to talk, she was beaming. We sat down at the table where we always had our talks... but this time she got up and came and sit on my lap.”
“Let me guess, she was pregnant?”
“Put her arms around me, her eyes dancing, and she said “Love, you are going to be a Daddy. I almost passed out, overcome with emotions of surprise and extreme happiness all at once. She had been to the Doctor that day and found out the news. Well, court day came. The trial lasted 6 days then about 2pm on the 6th day, closing arguments were heard and the case went to the Jury. The jury only took three hours to arrived at a unanimous verdict, ‘Guilty on 3 counts of capital murder’. I went home, relieved the case was over, and told Donna Sue we were going out to celebrate. Celebrate the pregnancy and winning a very important case.”
“A huge victory,” I nodded.
“We went out and had a fine meal, least fine for us given my income, then went home and talked for two hours, kissed and caressed and went to sleep. Next morning I got up early, had breakfast with her, we hugged and kissed, wished her a good day and I went off to work. My day went well, finally time to go home and I hurried home to see the love of my life. She always met me at the door. This day... she didn’t. I went in, didn’t see her in the kitchen, looked in the den,, she wasn’t there. Then I went to our upstairs bedroom.” He choked up then, tears flowing freely down his face.
“Oh Jim...” I held my hand still on his knee and he squeezed my hand hard.
“In our bed... there she lay.. naked... covered in blood and dead.” He choked up, unable to continue. I sat in stunned silence, though I knew this ending was coming, and just held him tightly. He leaned against me for comfort and said, “For a while, I was frozen holding her cold lifeless hand. I could see at least three places where she had been shot. Then I held her, not caring if her blood was all over me. When I finally got some control, I called out to a neighbor who was in his yard to get police. They came, looked for evidence and found nothing they could go on. She had been raped, then shot four times.”
“Oh Jim... They never found who did it...?”
“The neighbor remembered two men leaving the house about mid afternoon but didn’t get a close look. The only clue at all, and as it turned out didn’t provide any clues as to the killers... was a note.”
“Figured there would be another note...” I nodded.
“With striking resemblance of writing to the one the boy had brought me.”
“Of course...”
“All it said was, ‘We warned you, and we keep our word’. A week later, I left my job and started wandering from town to town. Wound up in Colorado, then Idaho, now here. Trying to escape the pain that is ever with me, knowing that most likely the killers of my wife and baby, will never answer for this till the day they stand before the Lord.” He looked at me and said, “Now you know the real Jim, not the one who is obnoxious and trying to convince all those he meets, that he’s happy and all is well in his world.” He squeezed my hand and exhaled. I nodded, not saying anything. My thoughts flowed back to Sayler’s murder and then distantly to the murder of my fiance who led me to Texas in the first place. “Trin... it’s late and I need to be getting back across the creek into Wyoming.”
“Jim...” I looked over at him. “Thank you for sharing this with me...” I choked up, barely able to speak as I stood shakily with him. “Jim...”
“Yes?” he asked and I put a hand on his side and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. He held me for a moment and said, “Thank you for listening. I needed to tell someone.”
“Thank you for trusting me,” I stepped back and stood close to him. “I feel we have a connection, Jim... We share similar experiences.. It’s the bedrock for a good friendship, I think...”
“You have experienced something like this Trin?”
“We will talk when you have more time,” I looked in his eyes sadly.
“I want to hear,” Jim nodded. “When you are ready to tell me.”
“You remember Sayler Sweetwater from Amiville...” I started and he nodded. “I watched him be killed in front of me. But I’ll tell you the details of that another time.”
“If you want to tell me about it, I’m a good listener. You poor woman... No one should have to witness that.”
“We will talk soon,” I reached out to squeeze his hand and then we said goodbye. He left the house and I sat down to pet Shadow, hoping the movement would give me comfort after the difficult conversation.
Wyoming.
I walked into the Cherokee village and looked around for Chief Bear. I found some Natives I didn’t recognize and explained to them that I was a friend of the chief’s and was looking for him. I suddenly recognized the woman and said, “Ayashe?”
“Yes, it is what I am called,” she nodded.
“Ayashe... We met once before...”
“Yes.”
“You have decided to stay with Chief Bear’s village then? As he’d recommended?”
“Yes,” she nodded and I wondered what happened to the man but didn’t ask in the presence of the others. “I have been curious if I would see you again, Ayashe. I tried to find you in the town you mentioned but I had no luck.”
“It took many moons to come but I am here.”
“Well I am very glad for that. I am glad you’re safe. You are both new here then too?” I looked from her to the Native man beside her.
“Yes we fled our village when the white eyes came.”
We talked about how their village had been burned and killed and how they had come to Wyoming to join the Cherokee. I explained to them how I was there to help figure out who was attacking the tribes and hopefully to stop the attacks from happening. We talked about my connections with the marshals and he expressed his distrust for people like me. We talked about how we don’t know who is attacking but he didn’t know who had attacked their village in the past. I started to get upset because they kept talking about palefaces like they were all violent.
“I am sorry Trin we did not mean to upset you,” Ahyoka said. “We just say what is.”
“We tell truth, Ayashe said.
“It seems as if you color palefaces all with the same brush,” I looked around the circle. “I am paleface and I only come to help.”
“But you not have boom boom or killing in you.”
“The Cheyenne and the Cherokee have protected me so much in the past few months... I would not be alive today if it weren’t for them. They are my friends... I don’t envy what they have, I appreciate their kindness and trust and protection.”
“Is because you help us? That many white eyes not like?” Mignan asked.
Wyanet came into the village and I told her I was just leaving. Ayashe looked at me and said, “Trin, I fear you are running.”
“It seems they are talking about my people as if I am not sitting right next to them...” I said.
“Trin, I sense something deep in you,” Mignan said. “You not like other white eyes I have met.”
“I told them that when I first came into the village this afternoon,” I told Wyanet.
“We only speak of what happened to us,” Ahyoka said.
“I have only seen badness from them,” Mingan said, “Yet you, I see kindness.” He looked at me with sadness in his eyes.
I felt emotion from my earlier discussion with Jim welling up and it had made me react quickly to the negative comments and I took a deep breath. “I am sorry I jumped so quickly. It has been a very long, emotional day.”
“It is understandable. We mean no harm to you,” Ahyoka insisted.
“I have heard of so much hurt today that sometimes I just can’t take anymore..” I explained.
“Trin, you are more than welcome here and if we ever make you feel uncomfortable please let us know we are not here to harm you nor make you feel badly,” Wyanet insisted and I nodded to her.
We talked about the village that they had come from and about my friends needing names to go on. Ayashe said that one person was called Draco Vadam. Mingan headed to rest and we continued to talk.
When there were only women there, I looked over and said, “Ayashe... Can I ask you a question now that it’s only women here...”
“Yes?” she looked at me.
“What happened when you got back home... You said you were afraid of a man coming back in three days...”
“He come back. Found out I come here.”
“He was mad?” I nodded.
“Yes, very mad.”
“Did he hurt you?” I looked at her with concern.
“He push me out the door and said go back to your village... and many other words I will not say.”
“At least he allowed you to come back here,” I nodded.
“Yes.”
“I have been very concerned for you. I went to that town and tried to talk to my marshal to look for you. And to make sure you’re okay.”
More people came in and out of the village and we continued to talk. I decided to go rest in my asi.
I woke up in the evening and started to pace around, feeling restless. I practically ran into the chief. “Chief... I’m sorry I... didn’t see you.”
“Osiyo Trin,” he greeted me.
“Osiyo...” I nodded.
“You travel at dangerous hour.”
“I needed to see you.”
“We sit?” he nodded.
“Somewhere where we’ll be uninterrupted?” I looked around anxiously.
“Where you think?”
“The cave...?”
“We go to small cave,” he nodded. “Come.”
A woman came over and I looked at the chief desperately but the woman asked if he could bring a child into the village. He was in a wheelchair and chief gave him permission to visit. They went into the village and Chief directed me to the cave.
“Sit, paleface,,” he said and I looked back at the entrance, then at Chief. “You afraid?”
I sighed and sat beside the chief so that he blocked the entrance. “I don’t know where to start..”
“Talk. Words come easy after first one.”
“You recall the evening I reunited with Jim... And you said that even though I was upset with him I should remain friendly because I may need him down the road... I had a drink with him in the saloon the other day... and saw something sad in his eyes. Some very deep hurt... Today, he explained that hurt.”
“Why he hurt, he fall on mountain?” Chief asked.
I looked in the fire, as if I could almost picture the scenes he’d described as if I were there myself. “His wife was murdered... with his baby inside her womb. A long time ago but I can see that the wounds are still fresh for him. Long before I met him this happened...”
“Murdered... Someone kill his wife and little one??” Chief looked at me.
“His child was unborn... His wife was expecting. And she was murdered because he didn’t back off a case that he eventually won, but was warned against going through with.”
“What kind of man kill unborn baby?” Chief asked with anger in his expression.
“He came home to find his wife murdered... after she’d been raped..”
“Bad men hanged?”
I looked deep in the fire and answered, “He never found the men.”
“This not good.”
“All they had to go on was notes from the men. Without names being signed.”
“Maybe they never catch them then.”
“This was a long time ago, Chief, but... These things have a way of being... revived.”
“What revived mean?”
“If these men find out that I know what they did to Jim’s wife...” I swallowed nervously. “There have been many times, Chief, when I’ve gotten in trouble because of what I know. As you are well aware.”
“You think you know men that did this to his woman?”
“No... I couldn’t possibly. It was a very long time ago. I just worry that...” I sighed, wondering if I was thinking too much.
“But say if they find out you know...”
“I don’t even know how they would find out... But anything is possible. I am concerned for my friend, Chief. He is in pain... He still grieves.”
“You not doctor, you cannot fix his pain.”
“I know... I just... my heart is conflicted and my head is going in several directions. It brought back memories of watching Sayler being killed in front of me... It was as if Jim and I shared a moment.... of bonding over the pain of losing one we loved. By murder.”
“What kind of moment you speak of?”
“Shared experiences often bring people together... even if it’s just the basis of a friendship... I... I’m unsure of how to proceed.”
“You feel something in your heart for him?”
“Empathy, at the very least..” I sighed, wondering if I was creating a problem that wasn’t really there and looked over at the chief. “I’m sorry, Chief... I’m talking in circles..”
“So you have thoughts for him?”
“He has been on my mind a lot, I’ll admit that much...” I knew he was trying to see if there were romantic feelings but I wasn’t so sure.
“I do not know what to say to you. I do not know and understand the white mans ways in these things.”
“I don’t know if it’s an answer I’m looking for... or just someone to talk to. Maybe we should just go back to the village... There’s nothing I can really do for him and I’m not sure yet what I’m feeling..”
“Is there more that you wish to say my friend?”
I swallowed hard and looked into the fire again, wiping away a stray tear. I felt angry with myself for getting so emotional. “I am lonely, Chief... Jim’s visits have reminded me of that.”
“Trin you may tell me anything you wish.”
“I long for male... companionship... It has been a long time since I... had held a man’s hand... Today, holding Jim’s in comfort I ....”
“He hold your hand?”
“Even though he was hurting, Chief... It felt better just to be close to him...” I looked down.
“Did he seem to enjoy your touch?”
“It helped him feel comfortable to share...” I nodded.
“He make your woman senses come alive?” he looked at me.
I nodded, unable to even speak. “It.. reminded me how lonely I was... How long it had been since I’d been touched that way, other than by a hug.. The consistency of knowing that someone would be there to...”
“Where he touch you?”
“Just by holding my hand, Chief...”
“What you feel when he touch your hand?”
“I felt... strength. Safety.. Like I did when you hugged me... after I told you my story...”
“Trin, stand up,” he instructed and I did so. He looked at me and told me to turn, which I did, slowly. “You are fine woman, Trin. You would warm any man’s furs well.... but must be man you love. Come closer,” he said and I felt my heart pounding. He put his hand on my bare foot and I swallowed at the contact as the power surged through me. “Foot feel soft. You have not gone barefooted long.”
“I... I usually wear shoes... Tonight I didn’t...”
“Why not tonight?” he asked and I tried to think of a reason but shook my head, unsure. He ran the palm of his hand over my foot and around it, sending a surge of warmth in me. I thought something of attraction towards the chief and held his gaze. “What you thinking about paleface?”
“I... I wore the dress because... I was hoping that...”
“You hope what?”
“That I would be able to talk with you and be seen as trying to fit into the tribe more...”
He removed his hand from my foot and I looked down. He told me to sit and I did so. He put a hand on mine and in that moment, I felt the safety and comfort I so badly needed.
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