Bisbee.
I was writing by the fireplace tonight at home when Jimmy ran in and greeted me. He told me how Thomas taught him about automobiles and how it was confusing to him. I assured him that if his father couldn’t explain it, then I certainly couldn’t.
“Have you been ridin’ the train?” I asked him.
“I did once… it was fun… I like riding buckshot my horse more though,” Jimmy said.
“What did you just say?” I blinked.
“What?”
“What’d you call your horse?”
“Buckshot?” he said and I went pale, reaching for the couch to steady myself. “Is there something wrong with that name ma?”
I looked at him, feeling my world spin, but tried to control myself.
“Ma are you ok?” Jimmy grabbed my hand and helped me sit down.
I knelt down and looked Jimmy in the eyes, then sat on the couch, taking a few deep breaths. “Back when I first... moved west... after living in Texas… There was a real bad man. Who had lots of friends. Very bad friends. They were mean bullies to me. They hurt me... A lot... and I don’t really ever talk about it because I try to leave it in the past now, but I think you’re old enough to know. What happened was that they were bullies. And always tried to scare me. I went out riding one day see... And I heard some noises in this cave nearby. I thought it sounded like my friends, who were marshals.. And it sounded like they were in trouble so I asked this one man who was outside about it and he brought me into the cave… Well... they were there, locked up in a cell in the cave. Bill and his friends were holding them hostage. Then Bill told me that I had to write in the paper that they hadn’t set a fire that I knew they’d done... and to burn all the warrants against them.. And he’d let me go.”
I looked over at Jimmy, taking a moment to gather myself as I told him, “Well, what happened was... I told ’em I’d burn the warrants. Just to get myself out of there. Then.. He took my wrist and cut a small slit in my skin with his knife…” I showed him the faded scar on my wrist and said, “See that there?”
“He did what? Ma!!!” Jimmy exclaimed as he touched the spot on my wrist.
“After that... it got worse. He kept tryin’ to scare me. He and his friends did lots of other bad things.. he even shot me after that.. All I’d ever done was try to move on. I didn’t wanna fight him back with more violence, but he kept going until I finally left that town.” I reached over and put my hand on Jimmy’s. “Jimmy... That’s why I never like fighting bad guys with more violence. With more gunfights. All it does is make things worse.”
“Is that why you came to Tombstone?”
“Well there’s lots that happened between that and Tombstone. But… Eventually I did find my way here and became a Pinkerton here. I guess... I’m tryin’ to change how people look at Pinkerton Agents. Most people think we’re rough and tough but... we’re really just the brains where people like your pa are the strength of fighting the bad guys.”
“But ma...can I ask you sumtin?”
“Sure Jimmy, you can ask me anything.”
“I understand why pa is a deputy...and I know you help people being a Pinkerton...but why do you gotta carry a gun? Why you gotta be where the bad is like pa? Can’t you help people without them shootin at you to?”
“That’s a good question kiddo…” I smiled at him proudly. “I fought about that in my mind for a lot of years. There was a time where I didn’t wear a gun… But you know what?”
“What?”
“When people see other bad people without a weapon they think that’s an easy target. When you wear a gun... people tend to leave you alone. Just think about your bb gun… Animals leave you alone, don’t they?”
“Yeah sometimes.”
“Not other times?”
“Well ummm this ummm BIG cat didn’t run from me outside the orphanage one night I was out huntin bear. It looked like it wanted to eat me.”
“But... how did you get it to go away?” I chuckled.
“Mildew run out and hollered and skeered it so I could run and make it inside. I think he might have even throwed a rock at it.”
“There see… And that made the cat go away right?”
“Yeah.”
“So sometimes... the gun doesn’t always work. And we gotta use things like our brain, or rocks. To get the bad thing to go away. But I don’t want you to throw rocks to hurt people or buildings…”
“So if I cant think of something to make a bad person go away, I can hit them with a rock?” Jimmy scratched his head.
“Not the point, kiddo,” I said with a sigh. “When Mildew threw the rock... Did it hit the cat?”
“I don’t think so...he threw it near the cat… like at his feet.”
“Well… Then that’s my point. He didn’t hurt the cat, but he scared it away. Cause he used his brain. See?”
“Yeah I get it!” Jimmy exclaimed, his eyes getting big.
“Now the problem is.... Your pa... sometimes he’s gotta use his gun. Cause sometimes the bad guys he needs to lock up are really bad. And they won’t come any other way. But you know what he does when he shoots them? If he HAS to?”
“What?”
“He doesn’t kill them. He’ll shoot an arm or a leg... Even just graze it... So it doesn’t completely hurt them.”
“Ma?”
“But it stops them. But that’s for grownups only to do. Cause your pa knows what to do. And how to use his gun right?”
“Right!”
“When you use your BB gun… You shoot it near things. Not at them. Got it?”
“Yes ma’am!”
“Now, I have an idea… Unless you got more questions?”
“I got one more question ma.”
“Sure.”
“Why do people gotta hurt other people?”
“Cause they think that it’s the only way to solve the problem. When that mean man shot me… I could have shot back. I could have gotten my friend the sheriff to arrest him for shooting me. I could have stayed and fought back and made him more happy that he’d frustrated me and scared me. But you know what I did?”
“Why not just take up all the guns in the world ma? Then people couldn’’t shoot nobody.”
“You know... if I didn’t know Thomas adopted you, I’d say you’re just like your pa,” I said with a chuckle. “When he first came to town... He thought that too. He was insistent on getting rid of all the guns in town. You talk to him some day... ask him how that went,” I said and smirked at him.
“Really? What was your idea ma?”
“Let’s go to church. Mister Wulf is preachin’ over in Black Diamond. I gotta change into a dress first though.”
“Oh wow… okay, I change too.”
We went up to our rooms and changed for church and then headed to Black Diamond.
Black Diamond.
We walked into the church and sat down, greeting those who were there already. It was good to see both Wulf and Bree and the others. Wulf began with an opening prayer and then we started singing hymns of praise. It felt so good to lift our voices and sing praise to God.
Wulf opened to Romans 1 and read verses 18-23 and then he began his message: “In the preceding verses, Paul has already spoken of the Son of God -- the key and the heart of the gospel. He declared the power of God that is released among men by believing the gospel; he declared the righteousness of God which is granted to us as a gift which we cannot earn or ever deserve, but which is ours, nevertheless, by faith. But now Paul speaks of the wrath of God. This is the first negative note that has been sounded in this letter, yet it is a very necessary note because it introduces this passage that tells us why we need the gospel of God. We need it because men everywhere are suffering from the wrath of God. What do you think of when you hear that phrase, ‘the wrath of God’? Most people think of the wrath of God as something that is yet to come, something that follows death -- the judgment of God. It is true that hell and all that may follow are an expression of the wrath of God. But that is not what it means at this point. Most people think of the wrath of God as thunder and lightning and judgment, fire and brimstone and the sudden destruction and catastrophes that come upon obviously guilty sinners. And these are all manifestations of the wrath of God. But actually, the wrath of God is not something to come, it is present now. As the text says, it is ‘being revealed from heaven’ -- that is, it is going on right now. When something is revealed from heaven, it doesn’t pour down from the skies upon us. No, it is everywhere present because it is coming from invisible forces at work in our lives. Therefore, it is absolutely inescapable; everyone is confronted with, and suffers from, the wrath of God -- without exception. His wrath is everywhere present, it is being manifested by the invisible resistance of God to the evil of men. And that is what is meant here by ‘the wrath of God.’ We are continually confronted with this tragic sense of life. It is the wrath of God.”
Continuing with his message, Wulf said, “Why is it that tragedy is so close to the surface? Even in the moments of joy and gladness, we experience it. We’ve all felt this bitter-sweet character of life, when, in the midst of all the warmth and joy of the home circle, there is an underlying sense of fear, of the probability of the whole thing suddenly being turned into tragedy and sorrow. Why is that? We see it at Christmas time, the season of the year when men are traditionally more glad and joyful, more mellow, perhaps, than at any other time of the year, and yet statisticians tell us that the suicide rate mounts alarmingly at Christmas time. Anyone who has experienced it knows that the loneliness which can be borne throughout the year can be deeply etched in bitter symbols upon our hearts during Christmas. hat sorrow and grief seem to be more dark and gloomy and foreboding than at any other time. Now why is that? It is because of the wrath of God. God’s resistance against human evil is creating this sense of tragedy and darkness that we live with. I think Moses, in the 90th Psalm, expresses this perfectly. He says: For all our days pass away under thy wrath, our years come to an end like a sigh. The years of our life are threescore and ten, or even by reason of strength four-score;yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away. The shortness of life, the brevity of it, the sorrow of it, the tragedy of it -- this is all part of what Paul captures here under this phrase ‘the wrath of God being revealed from heaven.’ No one escapes God’s wrath; it is revealed, and we have to face it. The rest of Verse 18 reveals the cause of this wrath. The apostle explains that it is "the godlessness and the wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness" that cause God’s wrath. The tragic aspect of life is caused by the attitudes men have and the subsequent actions that follow. Notice the order of this -- godlessness and then wickedness. The order is never reversed. It is the godless attitude that produces the wicked actions, and that is why the wrath of God is being revealed constantly from heaven against man. #What is godlessness? Godlessness isn’t necessarily atheism, the belief that God doesn’t exist.Godlessness is acting as though he doesn’t exist, disregarding God. That attitude is widespread in our society today; it is what we call the ‘secular’ attitude. It doesn’t necessarily deny that there is a God, but it never takes any account of him; it doesn’t expect him to be active. That is the attitude of godlessness which the apostle speaks of here.”
I leaned down and whispered to Jimmy, “That’s why mean people like Buckshot did bad things to your ma.” Jimmy looked at me and frowned, but seemed like he understood.
“As a result of godlessness, there is unrighteousness or wickedness, selfish and hurtful acts of men toward one another. Why do we act selfishly? Why do we hurt each other? Because we disregard God. That is Paul’s analysis. By means of these hurtful and selfish acts, the truth is suppressed. Now that is the problem! Here we are in a world in which truth from God is breaking out all around us, but we are busy covering it up, hiding it, suppressing it, keeping it from being prominent and dominant in our thinking. That’s the picture. Against that attitude of hiding truth, suppressing the truth, the wrath of God burns among the human family. The reason why life has turned tragic in so many cases is because the world is deprived of the truth that is necessary for life and liberty and freedom and godliness, and it is hidden by men and suppressed by them. Verses 19-20 set before us the nature of the truth that is suppressed: ...since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities -- his eternal power and divine nature -- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. (Romans 1:19-20) The truth that men labor to suppress is the existence of a God of eternal power and majesty; they suppress the greatness of God. This is the very truth Job 9 so eloquently expounds, the truth the world hides. There is, as you know, an evident conspiracy not to mention God. “
Looking around at us, Wulf said, “Don’t talk about him; don’t act as though God has anything to do with our common affairs in life; admit that there is a God if you want to, but don’t expect him to interfere or to do anything with us. Don’t, above all else, mention his name. Isn’t that strange? Somebody has put it this way in a little poem entitled, The Humanist: He exists because he was created. He’s here because he was placed here. He’s well and comfortable because divine power keeps him so. He dines at God’s table. He’s sheltered by the roof that God gave him. He’s clothed by God’s bounty. He lives by breathing God’s air which keeps him strong and vocal to go about persuading people that whether God is or not, only man matters. Man, in his puniness and weakness, struts about acting as though there were no God. That is the truth that men suppress. But there are times when men cannot evade the fact of God; and when those times come, when they just have to speak of God, people resort to euphemism. They don’t use the name of God, they call him something else. They may call him ‘nature.’ ‘Nature’ is responsible for the way we are.”
Looking up at me, Jimmy whispered, “Ma. Why do men deny God?”
“Cause they don’t believe the truth, kiddo,” I whispered back to him. “Cause men want to be in control instead of let God be in control.”
“Well this, of course, is because nature is what we are; nature is the sum total of all the phenomena of the natural world,” Wulf went on. “To say that the sum total of the phenomena of the natural world accomplishes what is the phenomena of the natural world is nonsense. Yet everywhere this is the way men talk. That is simply a way to avoid mentioning that God is at work in human affairs. How can we say that only by intelligence and wisdom and skill can a watch be built, but hearts beat and babies grow and roses smell simply by chance. Isn’t that ridiculous? You only have to put it that way to see how foolish, how absurd, a statement like that can be. This argument from design and order has never been answered. Those who disregard God cannot explain it because truth about God is breaking out everywhere around us. I makes me angry when some say they don’t believe. I will let them know in no uncertain terms. Earth’s crammed with heaven, and every common bush aflame with God. But only those who see take off their shoes;the rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.”
Jimmy leaned up and whispered to me, “If the truth about God is breaking out all around us, wouldn’t more people want to believe? God is awesome.” I smiled and hugged my son close, kissing his head proudly.
“Thus, says the Scripture, men are without excuse. No one who really wants to find God need miss him. One of the great verses that confronts the problem of what happens to those who never hear the gospel is,” Wulf was saying. “Hebrews 11:6. It says: ‘He that comes to God must believe that he is and that he is the rewarder of those who diligently seek him.’ Just two things are necessary: First, he must believe that God is there. Everything in his life is telling him that. Everything about himself is yelling at him, shrieking at him, that God has planned all these things. The easiest thing in the universe to believe is that God is there. You must work hard at convincing yourself that he is not there, and only the very intelligent are able to do it. The rest of us, who simply see facts and believe them, will accept the fact that God is there. Those who never hear the gospel first must believe God is. Then, they must diligently seek him. If men don’t find God, it is because they don’t seek him. The Scriptures promise us that if we seek after him, he will give further light on himself, and that light will eventually lead,”
Jimmy raised his hand then and I chuckled, whispering to him, “This isn’t school, kiddo.”
“As other Scriptures tell us, to the knowledge of Jesus Christ; for without the Son, no man can come to the Father,” Wulf said.
“But ma, if they don’t believe in God, they’re not very intelligent then are they?” Jimmy asked and I chuckled, ruffling his hair and winking up to Wulf.
“There is no other ‘name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved’ (Acts 4:12b KJV), but the name of Jesus. It starts with where you are and the revelation that is in nature and in yourself about the majesty and the power and the greatness of God. In Verses 21-23, the apostle tells us in detail how men suppress the truth about God: Glory to Our Father. For although they knew God they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they clamed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. (Romans 1:21-23 NIV)”
We stood then and prayed in closing and I squeezed Jimmy’s hand tightly. When church was over, I told Jimmy that he could ask Reverend Wulf a question if he wanted to stay after. We walked outside and found him standing in front of the church, greeting people as they left.
Jimmy walked over to Reverend Wulf and asked, “Reverend Wulf...if the word of God and his truth is coming out, then those who deny him aren’t very intelligent then right?”
“Sadly they are not Jimmy, but they thing they are,” Rev. Wulf told him. “And many are very smart in book learning. But they do not know what is true.”
“If they are smart in book learning, why can’t they be smart in learning the Bible?” he asked and I chuckled.
“Because, kiddo. They don’t think the book is true,” I told him.
“Did that help Jimmy?” Rev. Wulf asked.
“Yes it did Reverend Wulf...it just makes no sense how anyone could not believe..I mean I never met God or Jesus, but I believe in them both.”
“Sad but true. Jimmy they are blind just as I once was”
“But God made you see right Reverend?”
“Yes Jimmy I saw the Light,” Rev. Wulf said, referring to the song that we’d sung together.
“I am glad you saw the light Reverend Wulf..and that you’re here in Diamond,” Jimmy told him.
“Thank you Jimmy.”
We said goodbye to Rev. Wulf and then headed home.
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